| Its been forever |
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| 01:16am 22/11/2004 |
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It's been so fucking long since I've written in my journal it's crazy. I never even have time to hang out with any of my friends let alone be online. I have a full time job and a part time job and go to freakin school. right now i just got out of work and i am supposed to be typing a paper for sociology. fuck it who cares? i dont! i will do it in a few. So i had a bf when i started my second job but then things just fell all apart cuz i have no time at all. oh well he was a little faggot anyways. haha! im bored out of my mind and i dont want to do my paper but i should and then go to sleep cuz i have school in the morning. i pull way too many all nighters. i miss being in high school only because it was soo much cheaper. besides that i love being in college. i work at the milford bowling alley almost every night from 5 until 1 or 2 so if you're ever in milford come visit!! lol. i have nothing better to do. i'm a lot diff than i was in high school. im somewhat calmer and a lot more sober. never do anymore drugs and almost never drink anymore. life is kinda boring. oh well what are you gonna do about it? well thats all for now gotta get my homework done. lol
peace nigga!
LISA |
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Read 4 - Post |
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| MAD FUN |
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| 03:17pm 03/05/2004 |
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mood:  cranky music: hoobastank
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I was sooo hurt on Saturday it's ridiculous. I paid 1 dollar to get drunk as fuck. haha! I am such a freakin ho when I am drunk tho and it's really bad. But I had so much fun and I didn't do anything I didn't want to do so it's all good. I love not having a boyfriend or a girlfriend you can do whatever the hell you want. Hopefully I can party with them again soon. Hell yeah I love life sometimes. I love Life outside of life ya know. I love just chillin or bein drunk and just messin around. when shit gets serious I hate it. I hate school, being home, money, people, fuckin everything. whatever tho. it's all good. I have alcohol for my sanity. that sounds sad which it is but who cares? I don't give a fuck.
I almost fought this nasty bitch at school today because she said she was gonna kick my ass and key my car and shit and when i confronted her about it she had nothin to say. but she kept talkin mad shit when i wasnt there but got mad quiet when i was around. i was so heated i wouldn't even have fought fair i would have stabbed her i was so pissed. damn i hate people. but i love sex!!!! haha! alright well thats about it. fuck it im out. |
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| 10:22pm 01/04/2004 |
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mood:  depressed music: dead silence
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I went to see Chris in the hospital today and he is looking soo much better. I'm so happy for that. That's the sweetest kid I know. I talked to him for a while today. Last time I saw him he was passing in and out. Me Bertha Joe Ed Dom and Alize all went down and played basketball and the guys smoked a blunt at some park by the hospital. I was at the hospital for 4 hours today. That shit's crazy. Chris got soo many balloons and cards and presents tho and he was just happy to see everybody. Soo many good memories with all those guys. I love them to death. Don't know what I'd do if they were gone. Missin Timmy everyday too. School's hard and very weird now. Chris is goin into surgery tomorrow and I hope everything goes alright. I'm goin to see him on Saturday again cuz he's gonna be so wiped out from surgery tomorrow. well i guess I'm goin to sleep now.
R.I.P Timmy and I'll be prayin for you Chris. Love ya guys! |
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| Derby Sucks!!! |
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| 10:53pm 30/03/2004 |
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In the past 5 or 6 months Derby has had so much shit happen its ridiculous. We've had 4 "rapists". lol. All 4 went to jail for a little while 1 is still there. Major drug dealings and shootings. A kid caught on fire and had to go to go to the hospital. A girl from derby and a truck collided and blew up the whole freakin bridge for I 95 and now 1 kid is dead from a quad accident and another one has both his legs broken. I think something is wrong with Derby. I think it's like cursed or somethin. It's freakin 11:00 at night and I have school tomorrow but I don't wanna go to sleep. I just have so much shit on my mind lately. |
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| Survey |
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| 09:32pm 27/03/2004 |
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mood:  horny music: lasgo
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*casual touching*
How do you like holding hands? when you're not really holding hands but kinda gliding them along each others. or of course while skipping. =)
What's the best kind of hug? arms wrapped around the neck or the back so hard that you can almost not breathe but you feel secure
How do you like being held by a guy/girl?. i like my back facing a person with their arms around me if laying down or almost like a hug but a lot nicer.
Is it more romantic to be touched on your shoulders or back? Softly running the fingers from the shoulders to the back
Hips or butt? hips i guess
Do you like having your hair played with? depends on my mood
*kissing*
Where do you put your hands when kissing someone? usually they go around the neck or in their hair
Where do you like them to put theirs? my hair
How many people have you kissed? 11 i think maybe a couple more
When kissing, who makes the 1st move? always the guy if its a guy and mostly the girl but sometimes i will
Slow or fast kisses? depends on the mood
Light or deep? not too deep
Do you like frenching? most of the time
Ever try sucking someones tongue out of their mouth? kinda had to cuz this one person really liked it so they always wanted it
(If you have one)What does your b/f /g/f taste like? don't have one
Do you worry about your breath/how you taste? always
Others than lips, where else do you like kissing? neck, ears, shoulders, nipples,
What about other places on YOU that you like having kissed? Ears are definitely the place that gets me off the most
Kinkiest? inner thigh
Weirdest? butt. lmao
Sweetest? lips or cheek
What's better-lip gloss or lipstick? lip gloss
Ever share something (gum, mint, etc.) yeah
What about kissing really turns you on? the feeling of them so close to you and its so nice and freakin hot and body language has a lot to do with that. just plain kissing isnt really hot
What's the best thing about kissing? its personal, intimate, and fun
*A little more touch stuff*
Best position for making out? laying down
How do you like having your nipples touched? pulling especially the nipple rings
Do you like having them sucked? yeah
Hard or soft? hard
Licked? i guess
Bit? always!!!!!
Did you know your ears are an erogenous zone? yes
Is your belly sensitive? no
Do you like touching/grabbing/feeling the other person's butt when your making out? not really but that happens to me a lot
Funkiest place you've ever applied you lips/tongue to? toes or eyeball
Any "out there" kinda fetishes? just the everyday hair pulling scartching and biting choking is also fun
*Ooh My!" touching*
Ever done any fingering/handjobs? yes
which one? --done both
Had either done to you? yeah
Do you like doing it? fingering yes, handjobs no
*Oral*
Ever done it? yup
On what gender? both male and female
How many times? ?? guys ?? girls
How many people? 4 guys 3 girls
Ever received it? yeah
How many times from a specific person? only a couple by each person cuz i never really liked it too much. some people know what they're doing and others don't
How many people? 5
What's the best thing about oral? the warm feeling and its just different than anything else
The worst? its a mess
What's a bigger turn off bad smell, or bad taste? both but smell goes away quicker than taste
What's better--tongue or lips? tongue or teeth
Ever use your teeth at all? yeah a girl wanted it and to a guy to get him off
How do you like it-rough or gentle? rough is always best |
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| WoW |
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| 08:33pm 27/03/2004 |
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mood:  energetic
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I just finished watching Gia for the first time and it's really sad. I mean it looks like she had a lot of fun along the way but very sad. Better than Chocolate was a very very good movie and there are some really hot chicks in there ooh and in But I'm a Cheerleader. lol. There is this girl from milford thats really cute that I've been talking to a lot lately. She wants us to meet up but I have been sick all week and haven't even left the house really. I really am not sure what my view on guys is anymore. I used to consider myself a complete lesbian then i started considering myself bi then straight back to bi again but now I'm remembering why I only liked girls. They are so much easier to talk to and I feel so much more comfortable with them right away. Plus there are no pregnancy scares which is always a plus. lol.
Yesterday my mom watched But I'm a Cheerleader with me and it freaked her out when the guys were kissing each other a lot and a little bit when the girls were. lol. And then she watched Gia with me today and I told her Meshell told me about them or let me borrow them and she was like what is she trying to pull you into her world. Cuz she knows meshell is a lesbian. She knows I used to have a gf too but doesn't want to remember that I guess. but oh well if I had a gf I'd tell her I don't care. and nobody is going to "pull me into their world" HAHA mom it's my world too!! ok well gotta go love ya!!
LISA |
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| 09:44pm 22/03/2004 |
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The only people there for me today were my sister and my ex. 2 people least likely to be there.
it hurts so bad sometimes. i really just hate myself for being stupid.
she wouldnt even look at me. she wouldnt pick up my phone calls. as much as ive been hurt before on my birthdays this one tops it all. this has been my worst birthday ever. i have been beaten and screamed at and insulted but never felt as bad as i did today. i don't deserve it. some people might think so but i dont but nobody will give me a chance anyways and i dont care i just want to die. |
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| happy 18th f*cking birthday to me! |
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| 06:02pm 22/03/2004 |
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last night i had fun. i went to smiles and won stuff and got free tokens. lol. then i drank. i wonke up this morning and got a call from my sister telling me happy birthday. i also got text messages from people i barely ever talk to and they said happy birthday to me. i walked home so i could go out to breakfast with my sister for my birthday. i did that and then fell asleep. 2 other guys that i barely talk to called me and told me happy birthday but my best friend? she wont talk to me now. fuck it. i called her house like 10 times and peoples cell phones but they wont pick up. and now she is out with her boyfriend on my birthday. if she wont talk to me on my birthday because she is mad at me over something so stupid something she doesnt understand why i didnt tell her then why does it even matter? why do i even care. i stayed home from school and took off work today to hang out with her and it was her day off but if she wants to chill with other friends and her boyfriend thats her choice and i can't do anything about it.
I was really hoping this was going to be a good birthday for me. It's my 18th birthday and it would have been my first good birthday ever. Until I was 6 years old ever birthday my mom was either hitting me or my mom and I would get screamed at every year. I would always spend my birthdays with my grandparents or godparents. Thats always good. Until I was 15 my birthdays were ruined by my family every year. My 16th and 17th birthday were shitty because I couldn't even see my friends and my family made me cry. I always felt like shit on my birthday and I was really hoping this year was different. But why would it be? I think my birthdays are bad luck. I don't care anymore. I really don't. I really couldn't care if I died right now.
Things happened to me when I was young and I still can't get them out of my head and I still have stuff I have never told anyone and I'm not about to start. I don't care if you're family or my best friend I'm not comfortable or I don't want to hurt your feelings and I'm not gonna tell you. Fuck it, don't talk to me ever again then. I really don't care at this point. I just want to get away from everything. I can't wait to go to California. 3 or 4 months then I'm gone. I wish it was that easy I really do. I fuckin hate life. Everything pisses me off. |
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| WOW |
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| 08:34pm 24/11/2002 |
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mood:  giddy music: watching run away bride
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Friday = fun/saying stuff to kris/sick and hott guys
Saturday = sick/fun/scary and hott guys
Sunday = fun and hott guys
thats all I can say about that.
LISA |
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| 11:28am 03/11/2002 |
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mood:  apathetic music: good charlotte
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I don't know what it is but lately i just can't stop myself. I don't know why. I need to. People are confusing me. I always seem to be sad or upset lately. I just want to kill a few people lol thats all. But I am so stupid and I have no control. DAMN!! I'm so fucking stupid tho. Oh well. what the fuck ever. i really could care less. thats the problem tho. i have just sorta stopped caring lately about everything. oh well. im out
LISA |
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| 09:38am 27/10/2002 |
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I'm at Emilys house right now. lol. I have been up since like 7:00 and its 9:40 and she still isnt up. lol. its all good tho. lol. lately i havent been in a bad mood which is different for me. i have actually been in a pretty decent mood a lot lately cuz i have just been sorta relaxin and hangin out with people. I need a job bad and I think I'm gonna go on monday and apply some places. I need money so bad. Its gonna cost around 400 bucks just for the semi and then i have to take my drivers test and pay for that and i have the SATs and if i want to go on our class trip to gettysburg thats another 175. OMG im gonna die. lol. that will be like 2 pay checks or more right there. lol. but i doubt i'll go to gettysburg tho cuz i dont have money. i wasnt even gonna go to the semi but a couple people talked me into it and now im going with friends and just gonna chill and stuff. but whatever. hopefully i can get a job before semi o i can pay for everything. otherwise im gonna have to borrow money from my mom and blah. ima loser lol. oh well ima go now. emily still isnt up lol. oh well. im out
LISA |
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| 08:26pm 14/10/2002 |
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mood:  sick
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I really feel like I'm going to puke right now. I NEED to puke!!! I feel so sick to my stomach right now. EWWWW. It's not even funny. Like I ate a lot and that is part of the reason that I feel sick to my stomach but I also am talking to cool people who make me feel so darn great about myself. I really wish I had the guts to just shoot myself in the head!!!! |
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| 06:33pm 14/10/2002 |
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mood:  blank music: that 70's show theme song
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OMG you are so hott and so sweet. How come I have to like people I can never have? Oh that's right cuz I never have anybody so everybody I like will be out of my league. lmao I hate this!! lol. Oh well at least I am a little bit happier now. lol. It's just weird. |
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| My Conclusion |
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| 12:28pm 14/10/2002 |
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mood: apathetic music: disturbed
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People are ok to talk to in school but nothing else. They are a waste of time. I am a waste of time to them. I am a waste of space in this world. |
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| Just Wondering |
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| 12:09pm 14/10/2002 |
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mood: melancholy music: Disturbed
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Sometimes I really wonder why I confide in you. You don't really care what I have to say you just pretend to care so I am not mad? i don't know. But you don't even pretend to care really good so what is the point? I have no idea. I really need to stop doing this. I'm a cool kid oh yeah. I can't talk to many people about my life. It seems like I can but I don't even tell anybody half of it. I really don't and I like it that way. I mean I really would like 1 person I could talk to and get it out but the person I feel comfortable talking to about my life is one of the people who cares the least. Thats always good. Maybe I chose that person knowing they wouldn't care so I wouldn't have to tell them anything cuz I like people not knowing everything about me. I really don't know. I'm just fucking stupid thats what I do know.
It's monday, no school, and still nothing to do. All of my friends are busy and having fun and I'm here at home. That seems fun to me. Oh yeah. Whatever it's all good. I really don't care I wanna sit here and chill by myself. I'll probably just go and do some homework or whatever. Maybe not. Lately I haven't been caring about anything and I'm gonna mess everything up I know it. FUCK PEOPLE, FUCK MYSELF, EVERYBODY SHOULD GO TO HELL!!!!! |
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| WTF? |
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| 11:59am 14/10/2002 |
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mood:  bitchy music: No Doubt
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You really didn't have to lie to me. I definitely would have understood. I don't care what you do ya know? Whatever lie to me I really don't mind. I like it when people lie. Good friends!!! Oh yeah! I'm fuckin loving life right now. Oh YES I am! I am the biggest complainer in the world. I have way too many fuckin problems. But see to the normal person they wouldnt be problems but when you have all this shit coming on at once it sorta sucks pretty bad. i love it. HAHAHAHA. dont kill me now!! |
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disturrbed24_7's journal
